from head to heart

A blog.  Why a blog about grieving?  We just lost our precious son less than 3 weeks ago.  Should I be doing this? What purpose will it serve?  Will it even serve a purpose?

In our narcissistic society, is it just something else to draw attention to oneself?  We take pictures of our food, our feet, our pets, and document every event of our lives.  But grief…isn’t that a private thing? Should I grieve out loud, in front of the world?  Should I let people in to see the ugliness, the despair, the hope?

 Sometimes, there is a disconnect between my head and my heart.  That is why I write.  When I put ‘pen to paper’ it helps the truths I know in my head, to penetrate my heart.  There is less than 12 inches in distance between the two, (my brian and my heart), and yet, sometimes it takes miles of the written word, truths I believe, to make their way to the depths of my heart and soul.  Writing it down, meditating on it, reading it out loud, again and again, helps these truths to find their way from head knowledge to life living, life giving truths.  I want the truths that I know, to be reflected in my life, so I write them down, commit them to memory, and remind myself everyday I believe them!

 So, I will take this journey, in front of the world and attempt to journal ‘out loud’ as I walk thru the darkest days I have ever known.  If you are going to journey with me, I must warn you. Somedays, you are bound to find despair, anger, anguish, sould crushing heartache, and unanswerable questions.  But it is my prayer that you will also find joy, trust beyond circumstances, a comfort and peace that transcends understanding, and hope.

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32 Responses to from head to heart

  1. K says:

    So proud of you, Lis, for taking this blogging “journey”. I just know it will bring healing to not only you, but it will strengthen the faith of those of us who have never experienced such devastation. Thank you for your willingness to be so raw & vulnerable, which takes great courage. Just one of the many reason I love you so much! K xo

  2. Kathy Hallblade says:

    Thank you for sharing! I wish my mom could have had something when she lost her son and I lost my brother years ago. He was only 19, and he would have just turned 55 on May 11th this year. He is still missed and thought of often. We made it through all these years and we still talk about him with a smile on our faces, he was a gift from God and we all are excited to see him again in Heaven! Thank goodness for God’s love that carried us all through these years and to know he was too good for this world. It’s so good to know he’s in the presence of God, nothing better than that. Blessings for you and your family as you go through this difficult time as God guides you with his presence. I’m praying for you and your family.

    Love,
    Kathy Hallblade
    (from Minnesota)

  3. Alisa,
    So thankful you are doing this. I process things through writing too. Will be reading and praying specifically for you along the way. I’m blogging my health trials and it helps so much to write and see how God uses the body to weep with each other, rejoice with each other and live life with one another spurring each other on to that Day!

    Keeping you all close in prayer,
    Rachelle

  4. Joseph says:

    If you have not read A Grief Observed by C. S. Lewis, I would strongly suggest doing so. It is a journal he kept after the death of his wife, and he comes to some very good and wise conclusions about how to deal with grief.

  5. Mark E. Lassiter says:

    Alisa, this blog is a good thing. I’m glad you’re doing it. Cudos to you for the courage to do so. On the “head/heart” thing I have a theory – a kind of working
    Hypothesis that trials are the fire that translates thoughts of the mind to convictions of the heart. Thoughts are temporary – they are malleable. Today’s notion or idea might be supplanted and replaced by tomorrow’s like a game of musical chairs. But the music stops when we encounter a trial, which solidifies the abstract ideas in my head and translates them into the conviction of my heart – from fad to faith. This is the same evolution of faith that the early church fathers wrote of when they drew a distinction between three kinds of faith: notitia (from whence we get the word ‘notion’ – an idea that we embrace today, but might abandon tomorrow); assentia (from whence we get the word ‘assent’ – a more thoughtful embracement of an idea because of its appeal as rational or more credible. Still, even this level of thought is malleable and subject to change); but the last, and permanent iteration of faith is fiducia (from whence we get the word ‘fiduciary’, which connotes the highest degree of faith and trust – a faith no longer subject to ‘being tossed to and fro by every wind of doctrine,’ because it is tethered to the lighthouse. Such faith is unattainable except by trial by fire – and none more so than that found in the valley of the shadow of death wherein you find yourself now. There you will find heartache that you must alone suffer, but there you will also find a faith steeled like no other…

    • Alisa says:

      Mark, I love this! I have read it and reread it several times. Just love it! I may have to quote you on this…”Trials are the fire that translate thought to convictions of the heart.” So well written. You should be writing the blog for me 🙂

      • Mark Lassiter says:

        Alisa, quote me all you like. I have no pride of authorship. The observations on the types of faith are from R.C. Sproul’s ‘Classical Apologetices,’ but the observation that ‘Trials are the fire that translate thought to the convictions of the heart’ are just from the school of hard knocks… Betsy and I would like to do dinner with you and Glenn in June if you all are up to it. I feel so bad about missing Grant’s memorial service – I flew back into Phoenix from my pre-scheduled trip an hour after it ended. You, Glenn and your family remain in our constant thoughts and prayers…

  6. Jennifer Goetz says:

    Dear Alisa,
    I intend to walk with you on this journey. Thank you for your willingness to allow us to go with you.
    Love,
    Jennifer Goetz

  7. Vicky Caporale says:

    Your words are powerful and you are such an example of faith, love, and all that is good for me. I will journey with you. Love you so much.

  8. Dani Peterson says:

    Alisa
    Having walked through dark nights myself, I find in you a kindred spirit. May our Lord use this step of faith and vulnerability as a means to bring truth, healing and comfort to your heart and soul. Here walking alongside you. To feel to lean on me through those moments of despair and count on me for prayer. Blessings …..Dani

    • Alisa says:

      Dani, That means so much to me. I would say, “more than you know” but you do know. As I am sure that you had those that walked along side you in your darkest days. So I will just say thank you, and pray you feel my gratefulness. I ma humbled…grateful ❤

  9. Barb Pagel says:

    “But grief…isn’t that a private thing? Should I grieve out loud, in front of the world? Should I let people in to see the ugliness, the despair, the hope?” Answer? Yes! Please do share. I am so encouraged by your bravery to bare your soul in this Alisa. I would not want to do the same. I would want to hide from friends, from family, and from the world. I am so blessed by your courage and humility. #prayingeveryday

    • Alisa says:

      Oh Barb, Thank you for those encouraging words. That means so much. I am not sure however this could be considered bravery…the jury is still out. In the end I may look back and label it stupidity. But I feel compelled to do it. Faith in Jesus, is not a Pollyanna religion…and I believe it can stand up to the gruesome things we face in this life. I do not believe that we need to run from them, hide them, or pretend they’re not there. God can take it. He understands our brokenness, our struggling to make sense of things, and our grappling to hold on to the truth in the face of the tragedy this sin ridden world throws at us. Thank you for praying…I need it ❤

  10. Alice says:

    Oh, Alisa, can’t seem to get the ‘right’ words that I so want to be the ones that bring healing and will make the pain go away- but there are no words that can do that. Since words are not sufficient, I will continue to hug you, love you and pray for you. Thank you for sharing your heart. You are not walking alone!
    Alice

  11. Lisa Wakefield says:

    I can’t help feeling that this blogging journey you are on is going to be bigger than you can imagine. There are so many folks out here who will be ministered to, educated and witnessed to and God’s name will be made known in ways not done before. I have already shared your link with a woman who just lost her son yesterday……………..sadly, many more moms will join the club you just became a member to. I’m praying that you and your family will laugh again, that you will adjust to your new normal and that when you see Grant’s face and mannerisms in your grandchildren you will experience delight knowing that this life will quickly fade and you will be with him again.

    • Alisa says:

      Lisa, I am undone by your words. Thank you for taking the time to write them…seriously undone. And please tell that precious mother to contact me anytime! I feel her pain so keenly it’s hard to breathe. Hugs

  12. Kelli says:

    Thank you for your vulnerability. Such a window to your heart and helps us in our weakness as we intercede for you! This will be a lifetime journey with you! LOVE YOU!

  13. Alisa – I wish I had the right words, but know that I care. Sending you prayers for today, tomorrow and always AND a virtual hug, Debbi

  14. I came to visit your blog after speaking with Carol Frith this morning. I’m also a blogger and I get it when you wrote:

    “Sometimes there is a disconnect between my head and my heart. That’s why I write.”

    I felt such sadness when Carol told me about your precious son. I am so sorry for your loss but I also think this is a beautiful thing you are doing. May you find comfort as you write from your heart. I believe you will be blessed by others who come alongside of you.

    Our blogging world brings new friends into our lives. I met another blogger who lost her son and here’s a link to her blog: http://melaniedorsey.com.

    I will continue to read your posts. I live in Phoenix and I write at http://www.heartchoices.com.

    Blessings and love,
    Debbie

    • Alisa says:

      Debbie, what a gift to have you write me. I have spent the last hour reading both blogs (links above) and loved them. And to know you have read my hearts cries means more than words can express. Thank you for journeying with me. Hugs

  15. Laura Bergen says:

    I lost my daughter, Clara, on Sunday. I’m relieved to find someone who found the strength to endure this pain for more than a few days. I’d like to meet you someday. Hugs. Laura

    • Alisa says:

      Dearest Laura,

      I am utterly heart broken for you. I wish there was something I could say, something I could do, that would relieve your horrific pain for even a moment. For today, just breath. Don’t even think an hour down the road, just breath. And if you ever need someone to talk to, do not hesitate to get in touch with me (I am sure your friend could tell you how). Not because I have answers, because I don’t. But I can sit with you, cry with you, share in your pain. Hugs hugs hugs

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