I know God is real and near to me. More now than ever before. What proof can I offer?
I have cried out out in unimaginable pain. I have yelled at God, and screamed out my why questions. I have wanted to hate Him, and denounce my faith. I have charged Him with cruelty and demanded the happy carefree life, I imagine I deserve. Sometimes, because of what has happened, I have felt bitterness and hurt to the point that I don’t even want to talk to God. But then as quick as I have those thoughts I think, “Well, where does that leave you, Alisa? On your own…with no resources, no truth to dispel your despair. Where else would you turn? Where else would you go? If not to God, who else? Where else?”
That is why God is more real to me today than He was 3 months ago. When I have tried to push away, He has pulled me in. I turn to Him for comfort, and I am immediately comforted. I cry out for peace, and it washes over me. I am angry, furious He did not behave as I imagined a loving God should. And yet, I feel his love. There’s no denying it. How? How is that possible? Because He is real, God is real. I have never been more sure of anything in my life!
Losing Grant, has proven to me, that there is no comfort to be found apart from God. There are distractions, temporary fixes. But no lasting, deep, satisfying, sustainable comfort. Knowing that God is near will not bring understanding about this tragedy, but it is vitally important, precisely because I will not always understand life. Rest will never be found in having my own way or in figuring it all out. True rest will only be found as I am willing to believe that God is good, He is near, and relishing in His nearness. Healing doesn’t come from the explained, understanding, comprehension. Only the truth of God’s word and the touch of His healing presence can bring the kind of comfort I crave. His promises of purpose in the life I have left here and the perfection in the life to come in eternity, offer me any kind of real hope to cling to. Yes, God is real. I have never been more sure of anything in my life!
My salvation has been proven to me thru this Suffering. God has sustained my faith when I wanted to throw it out. I know that my religion is not just profession, but relationship with the God Most High. I have found comfort in the doctrines I have built my life on, which proves their truth. I have stood on the border of my son’s grave and yet still believe the gospel with heart, soul, and mind. There is no guess work here, in the valley, my faith is assured. Experimental knowledge is the best and surest test. Yes, God is real. I have never been more sure of anything in my life!
God has given me strength in the moments I have been the weakest of my life. There has been more comfort in my desperation, than there ever was in my merriness. He has revealed Himself more, here in the dark, than I was ever able to see in the bright sunny days. None of this removes the pain, but amidst the suffering there are moments of peace and joy because all doubt is gone that I am a daughter of the King. Yes, I know God is real! I have never been more sure of anything in my life.