little sister

I find her laying on her bed weeping, his 16 year old little sister. In anguish, as she lays there looking at pictures of the two of them, the last time they were together. I sit next to her, rub her back, we weep together. I think of this verse as we lay there living this verse…

Psalm 77:1-3 I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me. When I was in distress, I sought the Lord; at night I stretched out untiring hands, and I would not be comforted. I remembered you, God, and I groaned; I meditated, and my spirit grew faint.

What do I tell her Lord? Give me the words. How do I help her make sense of this, when I can’t? How can I convince her you’re worthy of our trust in light of her unimaginable loss? How can I show her the depth of your love when all she can see is the lack she must now live with? Lord, you love her more than I do. Give me the words for this precious child of yours. What do I say to a soul that is crushed with sadness, a spirit that is faint?

Her illusion of a safe, good, predictable life has been shattered. She is exhausted from the churning undertow of sadness, missing, and longing.  Her suffering has opened the door to hard questions; and she asks them. Does life make sense? Is God good? Can I trust Him? Is there purpose to this pain?

And watching her, lay here in my arms, brings up questions of my own; Can I trust you, God, with her? How will this affect her soul, her walk with You, her love for You? Will this turn her towards You, with a growing awe and steadfast faith? Or will this drive her away from You? Will this make her long for Heaven in a new and fresh way? Or will her longing for Grant and things that should have been, cause bitterness and a hardened heart? Will you gain greater glory through our crippling pain?

I cannot answer all of these questions today.  Some we may never be able to answer, and others will not be revealed this side of Heaven.  But Lord, I know You can use this present darkness to reveal the brilliance of Your infinite goodness. I know that You can help her to see that healing does not come from answers, and comprehension is not necessary for trust. Help us both to stand on the truth of 2 Corinthinas 1:20 For all the promises of God find their Yes in him. That is why it is through him that we utter our Amen to God for his glory. 

So I will look to Jesus today…tomorrow.  I will help her to see Jesus today…tomorrow.  And we will stand together in the shadow of the cross where all of your promises find their, yes, today…tomorrow; Amen…

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4 Responses to little sister

  1. Jennifer Goetz says:

    I continue to pray for you and stand with you in your grief and pain. I am grateful that in the midst of unspeakable tragedy, you hold onto The Lord and your faith in his Word and in Him. Where else can we go? No where.

    I look forward to meeting you one day Alisa.

    With love,
    Jenny Goetz.

  2. Kaye Manning says:

    You were all first in my prayers today. We weep with you and we know that your loving, heartbroken tears are precious; revealing a true love that wove a tapestry and depth of relationship
    that will be healed fully only the other side. But, what love. Oh God, we call on you, we look to you to touch each of these precious hearts in the places too deep for words, with the love and healing only your nail scarred hands can bring. Love, Kaye Manning

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