weak

People keep saying that I am strong. I have heard several comments like the following, “I don’t know how you do it. You’re just so strong.” But I need people to understand the exact opposite is true. I am weak! I am not strong enough for this. I can barely carry on at times. I cry everyday…usually more than once.  I barely sleep.  Food still tastes like chalk. There has never been less strength in this body and soul. I have never been more weak. And there are days I literally struggle to even do just the next thing. No, I am not strong.  But I don’t have to be. Christ’s strength is made perfect in my weakness.

2nd Corinthians 2:9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” 

Any strength that people see in me is just evidence of my utter weakness. I have never been more dependent on you God for everything. Every breath I take, every heart beat, every smile, every moment of comfort. He sustains my faith, because I can’t. He gives me moments of peace, in the midst of my tortured mind.  It’s His grace that gives me hope, when I am desparing. I have nothing in me, that He has not provided.

No, I am not strong, quite the opposite. But Christ is strong in my place. His grace is sufficient, it’s a promise I stand on, and his strength is filling every weak and cracking fissure of my soul as mortar fills the cracks on a brick wall to strengthen it, build it up, and hold it together.  It’s God’s strength they see, and it is there precisely because I am so weak and utterly dependent.

Also, I believe people think they see strength in me, because I am not trying to carry a burden I know I cannot bear.  I can’t bear it, even if I wanted to. I would literally crumble, We look weak when we attempt to carry burdens, we were never meant to carry. We look strong, when we let God carry our burdens precisely because, we are not under the weight of a burden too heavy for us to bear.  A weight we were never meant to carry. In truth, it is God who is strong. It is God’s strength they see. I am truly weak.

 2nd Corinthians 2:10 Therefore, I will boast in my weakness, because when I am weak, I am strong!

I am weak, powerless, broken, desperate, completely dependent, so the Lord draws close and gives strength, strength I do not possess.

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