happy

Running errands again.  We tend to do them together these days.  I suppose it’s easier to fake it in public when you’ve got back up, someone playing the role with you.  Someone else who knows the drill.

As we conversed, we were trying to decide if I was ready to go see Grant’s old apartment in LA.  His room mate still lives there and I am going to be near there this week.   I have a desire to go there, remember him there and all of the wonderful memories those old walls hold for us. But is it too soon? That’s what we were trying to figure out.

Grant loved that place and loved his life there.  A cute 2 bedroom apartment on a tree lined street in West Hollywood.  5 minutes from Rodeo Drive, 5 minutes from Hollywood, 10 minutes from Santa Monica, 15 minutes from downtown.  Within walking distance to famous restaurants, and the Beverly Hills Mall.  An architect on his way up, with a vision to use recycled material to make better housing for the poor in other countries. A cute little car, his Harley, and looking for a woman to share his life with. It seemed as if his life was just beginning, all of his hard work finally paying off. He was so happy!

As we reflected on his life there and debated whether or not I was ready to see the apartment again, I started crying and said, “I don’t know if I can…just don’t think I’m ready…it’s too soon.  I may never be able to go back there.”

But Glenn had a completely different reaction, “Really?” he asked, “I think I want to go back and remember.  When I think of Grant at that apartment and the life he had in LA, I think of him happy.  He was happier there than I had ever seen him!”

“But that’s only because we can’t see him in Heaven,”  I responded without any hesitation.  And then it hit me, as those words floated through the air and found their landing in my heart and soul. Grant was happy in that little apartment.  And according to worldly standards he was on his way up, had all a guy could want, and probably coveted by many. But as happy as he was, his happiness there pales in comparison to how happy he is now!

I still haven’t decided whether or not I am ready to visit his old earthly home yet.  But this I do know.  When I do eventually go back I will recall with profound fondness how happy he was in that place and remember our fun times there. Such wonderful memories.  But I will dwell more on how happy he is now in his new home, and look forward to all of the fun times we have yet to share!  I will thank Christ, that because of Heaven, and because of His sacrifice, I get to spend more time with Grant, than I will ever spend without him.  And as I walk through his old bedroom and sit on the back patio, and look up into the skyline, Grant would want me to remember most, the truth from this Psalm.

Psalm 84:10 Better is one day in your courts, than a thousand elsewhere

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2 Responses to happy

  1. Judi Schleiden says:

    I love you and Glenn! I love how you balance each other and encourage each other openenly and honestly. I’m going to be praying that the Lord show you when the time is right whether it’s now or down the road. Love that you so want to keep those happy times at the forefront of your mind but then that you want to always remember that where Grant is is a far happier place. We can’t begin to understand the joy and happiness heaven is going to be.

    Love that you chose Psalm 84:10. I looked it up and added 9-11
    Psalm 84:9-11(NLT)
    9 O God, look with favor upon the king, our shield! Show favor to the one you have anointed.
    10 A single day in your courts is better than a thousand anywhere else! I would rather be a gatekeeper in the house of my God than live the good life in the homes of the wicked.
    11 For the Lord God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.

    What a beautiful promise the Lord has made to us Alisa! He is our sun and our shield. God gives us the grace we need and will not withhold from us any good thing as long as we are living according to His Word. I LOVE IT!

    Continuing to pray for you, Glenn and your family. Asking the Lord to give you an extra measure of grace, peace and that He will restore your joy. Keep studying the Word sweetie, you are an inspiration! Love you!

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