I am feeling weak and sad today. Grant’s little sister had such a hard day yesterday, tears, far away looks, no appetite. Another fitful night with haunting dreams for me, waking before the sun and absorbing the reality again, of the new normal.
When I am suffering my temptation is to question God. Why are we suffering? Why have you allowed this to happen? Can’t you see our pain?! Why didn’t you heal Grant? Why did you choose this for us! I falsely believe if I just knew why this happened than I would be satisfied. I believe if God answered my endless questions I would find rest.
In reality however, my sober mind knows even if God chose to answer all of my questions, the answers would just lead to more questions. My need today is not information. I do not need to know why, I need to know who. I do not need answers to my questions today, I need more of God.
I will never be able to completely comprehend the ways of God. However, I do not need that comprehension in order to trust Him. I can trust Him because He is God and I am not. I can trust Him because He is full of mercy, grace, and steadfast love ordering my life in a way that is perfect for me and brings glory to Him.
In the midst of my pain this morning I will resist the temptation to measure God’s love by my circumstances. But rather, I will measure His love by standing at the foot of the cross and gazing at Calvary.