I had a precious young gal bare her heart with me at Grant’s memorial service. She is due to have her first baby in a few weeks, and she was telling me, with tears streaming down her face, how scared she was now. She couldn’t imagine having a child, loving it like you do, only to have it snatched away and be forced to bury that child and carry on. She was panicked. She wasn’t sure what she had signed up for. As I stood there holding her, she looked up at me and said, “You really put your heart on the line when you become a parent.”
Those words rang so true as she spoke them. You really do put your heart on the line as a parent, in such a profound way. You give part of your life blood to your children. They are a piece of you, and extension of you. It’s a sacrificial love, an unconditional love. Yes, we give of our life to them, would give up our life for them. But immediately, and without hesitation, I took ahold of her shoulders, looked into her eyes, and said, “I would go thru this agony 10 times to have the time I had with Grant.”
I am in agony, because of losing Grant. And she could see that. But the agony is evidence of a love so deep, so fierce, that it enriches a life, for a lifetime. If I didn’t love Grant as much as I do, I wouldn’t be in this much pain. But would I change that? Would I choose, if I could, to love a little less so the pain is more bearable when there’s loss? Absolutely not! It must be said again…that thought is incomprehensible to me, even in this moment of indescribable sadness.
Love suffers sometimes. At times more than we thought we could ever bare. Which of us has never suffered under the hands of a loved one? Hurtful words, rejection, abandonment, loss. But the only alternative would be not to love or love less. That would be an absurd choice. Living a life, void of love, would be no life at all, or a miserable one at best. No, we must love, love fiercely, love whole heartedly, love unconditionally, love immeasurable. And the best part about loving this way? We get a glimpse of how much our Savior loves us. He loved us unto death! And in loving this way, we get a taste of how much God loved His son, and what His sacrifice cost Him, because of His great love for you, and for me, His children.
Ephesians 3:14-19 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
Love strengths me, strengthens my faith, grounds me, helps me to comprehend the love of my Heavenly Father, love helps me to know the love of Christ, love surpasses knowledge, and love fills me with the fullness of God. Yes, give me love, no matter the cost!
Thank you for crying with me. I feel your love because of it ❤
Every day I read your blog & I cry more each day I pray for you nightly and I send you my love Cousin. love you, Eileen
Thanks for walking this with my cuz…I love you so much, hugs ❤
Just found this. So beautiful and I hope helpful for you to write this. After your Dad died, I kept a Grief Journal which, of course, was read only by me, but it was very helpful during that time of profound grief. I’m thinking of you all every day. I know it’s hard and there are really no words……. Love you.
I love you too, Joyce, so very much ❤
Thank you for encouraging that young gal. It’s clear where Grant got his “others focus” from: that you could stand at your own son’s memorial and take the time to encourage a freaking out young mom-to-be is truly amazing. I’m sure your words gave her much hope and assurance. Continuing to pray for you!
I love that young mom to be very much, so it was a joy. And it’s good for my soul to hear myself speak the truths I am attempting to stand on thru this suffering. So I was the beneficiary ❤