He will never have a prestigious career. He will never fulfill his vision to improve city structure for 3rd world countries. He will never fall in love nor explore any more far away places. He will never get married nor have children of his own. I weep out loud as my mind is flooded with all of the “he will never’s”. They rush in as fast as my mind can process them.
But then, it’s almost as if Grant breaks into my thought. It’s as if I can hear him. “Don’t be sad for me, mom. I’m the lucky one! You have said to me 100 times ‘to die is gain’ and mom, it’s true! The things you’re thinking about are things that this world has to offer. And they are great, some of Earth’s greatest gifts. But they don’t compare to Heaven’s gifts. They don’t compare to what I have here, what Heaven offers. No, mom, don’t feel sorry for me. You were right, to die truly is gain. I am the lucky one.”
All I know is life here on earth. I am familiar with it’s treasures and the high lights it offers. But if I could just get a glimpse of my eternal home, my Heavenly home, I would see that things here, life here, pales in comparison! I have to look beyond this life, and all that it offers, to the life beyond. It is so hard, when missing Grant, to see death as a gain and not a loss. Because for us, there is a loss, a great loss, a loss almost unbearable.
But for Grant, because he died in Christ, death was not his enemy. And I must come to view death as God views it and not as the world. How does God view death? “Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His godly ones” (Ps. 116:15). The world may view death as a terrible enemy, but God views death as a precious thing for those who are righteous.The only way we can view death as God views it, is through Jesus. For the Christian, death is gain not loss, because through the blood of Christ we are made righteous, free from sin (Ac. 2:38; 22:16).Death has no sting for the child of God, for it is simply the ticket home. It is the means to great gain beyond this realm. All of the saints whose bodies were once subject to disease and disappointments, burdened with pain, trials, and hardships, will be given a glorified body that only heaven can give. For in that day we will be made like Jesus!
Grant’s end, was really his beginning. The beginning of all things new, and glorious, and far beyond anything we have here to compare! Co-mingled with the heavy grief I feel this morning, is an element of comfort, knowing that Grant wouldn’t come back even if given the chance.
“For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain…having the desire to depart and be with Christ, for that is very much better” (Philip. 1:21-23).
grieving with hope 
Alisa, every one of your blog entries touches my heart. I feel vulnerable commenting, but at the risk of not communicating effectively, I just want you to know the value of your thoughts and words and that what you are writing is so impacting so many. I treasure your thoughts about loving someone so deeply which is why it is so painful to lose them, but you wouldn’t have loved less for anything. I remember when my sister lost her husband in a traumatic way 8 years ago. She expressed similar words. She also concluded that “This life is not about this life” which also reminded me of what you said, “I have to look beyond this life, and all that it offers, to the life beyond.” I bet Grant is so proud of you for the way you keep turning to Jesus in spite of your immense loss. Jesus cares and is the only one who completely understands exactly what you are going though. In a sense, He is walking in your shoes with you. May He supply you moment by moment with His grace and peace. xoxoxo
Kim, I am so humbled by what you wrote. And so encouraged…it made me cry. A good kind of cry. Thank you for taking the time to write this. It was such a means of grace to me tonight. A needed one, it was a really hard day…so thank you. Hugs.