Was I worshipping a God of my own creation? An Almighty Disneyland dad, who spoiled me rotten with all good gifts, and no discipline or correction? Or perhaps a God that resembles a Genie in a bottle, giving me everything I wished for? Was I wanting, no, expecting, all good gifts without any hardship, trial, or pain? Did I picture myself at the center of things, and my Heavenly Father just there to make me happy? Will this heartache reveal a different God, the only true God? Disney God, was never God, but rather a God of my own making.

If I worship God only when he makes sense to me, or find joy in my salvation only when things are going well, then I am worshipping a God of my own making, my own imagination, my own understanding. Losing Grant, has forced me to face that God does not direct the course of things according to my desires. In his plan, there are things that operate entirely outside of my preferences. But even in that, all things will somehow work together for good. This is the only true God.

It is pride, and it is absurd, to think my finite mind could understand and comprehend all of God’s infinite plans. It borders on ridiculous to assume I could figure out how tragic events can be used for good. No, the creator of all things created me, for His purposes.  He is the center of the Universe and His plans are as high as Heaven, and therefore beyond my comprehension. This is the only true God.

Did I expect a carefree, pain free, happy life from beginning to end? Why did I expect to be immune to this kind of suffering, when Jesus himself, my example, suffered on a cosmic scale for me?  Christ suffered an intense suffering nowhere equaled in all of history. Instead of explaining my suffering, God shares it. God Himself suffered, why did I think I would escape? What an absurd presumption!  And because He has suffered in every way that I have, he can comfort beyond comprehension. This is the only true God.

I will worship you Lord, even in those moments I don’t understand. I will trust you even in those moments that make no sense to me. I will love you Jesus, when you are giving gifts, and when you are taking them away. I can obey you God, even when I don’t know why, because you know why.  Your ways are not my ways, but I will choose to love you…the only true God, not one of my own imagination or understanding.

John 17:3 And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent.