It’s a weird thing these days when people ask me, “How are you?” I never know quite how to answer.
This day, 2 months ago, would have seemed crushing, unbearable. But from this vantage point, it’s a bearable day. It’s a better day than 1 month ago. It also depends on the moment they ask. I am not yet at a place where I have good days and bad days. The hard moments and the easy moments don’t usually last for an entire day. Rather, they usually vacillate back and forth all day long, taking turns.
And when I am asked that question I naturally jump to how I am feeling. After all, isn’t that what people are really asking? But feelings change..they go up and down and rattle me to and fro, and often times are not even based on truth. So I am hesitant to base my answer on feelings alone.
What I really want to say is this. I never knew a heart could hurt so deeply, but I still believe! I’ve never known such depths of despair, but I still believe! At times, it’s hard to ‘feel’ God’s love in this, but I still believe! Regardless of how I feel at any given moment, independent from this circumstance, despite this soul crushing situation, I still believe!
John 20:29 Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”
Alisa, how are you today? “I am profoundly sad, but I am fighting for joy, moment by moment…and I still believe!”