I stand in the waves. They come rolling in, one after another. They pound against me, knocking me off balance. I barely get my bearings and the next one is right there threatening to knock me over. There’s a short reprieve, I catch my breath, get my footing, and the next one rolls in on me.  I look out beyond the break and see surfers being tossed to and fro by the billowing sea and strong winds. I am amazed at how much this scene reminds me of grief and the feelings that accompany it.

Feelings come and go, buffet against my faith, threaten to kidnap my trust in God. There are short reprieves but then, almost without warning, feelings rise up again, threatening to drown me, churn me in the murky water, and slam me into shore. That’s why it is crucial I stand on truth and choose to trust thru times of grief and suffering.

This loss has shown me trust is something I must choose to do. If I do not want to be a prisoner to my feelings, and allow them to dictate what I believe, I must trust God even when I do not feel like it, even in times of suffering and confusion. Trusting God regardless of circumstance is a matter of my will. I am not dependent on my feelings, I do not have to wait until I feel like trusting God. In fact as I move forward in trust, pray, read His word, and depend on the Holy Spirit to enable my trust, I believe the feelings will follow.

Trust is like the pillars, holding up the pier I can see in the distance.  If I were to cling to those pillars as the waves beat against me, they would bring steadiness against the buffeting waves. Just like the pillar, as I cling to trust, even though feelings swirl around me like the tumultuous waves, I will not be shaken. I will stand solid and firm, as the pier does, due to its pillars. The pillars prevent the waves from moving the pier with the rising and ebbing tide.

Trust is not passive, something that happens to us. No, it is a vigorous act of the soul, like grabbing ahold of a solid pillar. As if our soul life depends on it, we grab ahold of the promises of God, put our trust in them, and cling to them despite the waves that threaten to overwhelm us.

Psalm 91:2 “I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.”

Choosing to trust will not necessarily remove the pain of suffering. But trust will serve as a refuge and fortress, preventing me from drowning in the waves of despair. Choosing to trust, will prevent my feelings from having the final word on what I believe. Choosing to trust, will bring a steadiness when feelings threaten to toss me to and fro, like a raging sea.  Yes, Lord, I  will cling to and choose to trust…