liar

While out running errands this week, I realized I have become a liar. I found myself answering a question that was asked, gave my answer, walked away and thought to myself, “That was a lie. When did I become a liar?” As I thought back over the last several weeks, I realized I was lying almost everyday. I’m not even quite sure when the lying started.

You see, I am not usually dishonest, for any reason. In the past, I wouldn’t even lie when someone wanted me to, “Mom is this going to hurt?”

And I would quickly reply, “Yes, yes it’s going to hurt a lot.  I’m not gonna lie.”

“Mom, do you think it’s broken?”

Looking into tearful eyes I respond’ “Yeah, I am fairly certain your arm is broken and they’re going to have to set it. Sorry, I wish I could lie and tell you it will be fine, but I will never lie to you.”

“How does this outfit look?”

“Well it’s not my favorite. You have things that look much better,” I say, as she rolls her eyes and walks away saying, “I knew you were going to say that.”

She knew I was going to say that because I have always promised my kids I would never lie to them, even if telling them the truth would hurt. So when and how did I go from that person to the person I am today, who lies almost daily?

“How are you today?” the Costco attendant asks.

“I’m good, thanks,” I tell her.  I lie.

The cashier greets me, “Hello, how’s your day going?”

“I’m good, thanks,” I answer.  Again, I lie.  And so it goes, daily.  The questions are asked, and I lie, over and over and over.  I have become a liar.

Or have I? I am sad, profoundly sad.  My heart still aches and is heavy most of the time.  But my soul…it is well with my soul…”I’m good, thanks.”  How is my day?  Well, God is the source of human joy, not my circumstances…so, “I’m good, thanks.” And how is my day going…right now, God allows good and bad things to happen. But someday, He will remove ALL bad, not today, but someday. And so I can respond honestly, without lying, “I’m good, thanks.”

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5 Responses to liar

  1. jeanie says:

    Very well said!!!IMy husband went home to Jesus on July 5th 2013. My emotional wound is very fresh ,tender and painful…by God’s grace we can say truthfully “It is well with my soul”…God is close to the brokenhearted..grieving and sorrow is not quick,its not easy,its not painless….But the process is what the Lord uses to heal the brokenhearted. His promise Psalm147:3. The Lord says”I will guide you along the best path for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.” Psalm 32:8…..I am standing on His great and precious promises!!!. Praying for you and family and that the Lord will continue to use His Word to comfort,strengthen,and heal.
    In His Unfailing love and faithfulness.Jeanie

    • Alisa says:

      Oh my word…Jeanie. I am so so sorry for your loss. You and I both know there is nothing I can say to take away your pain 😦 But I will be praying for you. Wish I could give you a hug and cry with you and hear all about your husband ❤

  2. Judi Schleiden says:

    Oh Alisa I can so identify!!!! Often I do the same thing and partly because I don’t think people really want to know, it’s just a nicety! Maybe I’m wrong but that’s what I think. Love that you recognize that “God is the source of human joy, not your circumstances”, so yes you are good. Over time hopefully you will be able to look back and say with lots and lots of conviction – “God’s grace has been sufficient” today I uttered it and knew from the very bottom of my soul that I fully believe that and am living it. We do continue to pray for you, Glen and each of your children daily and you are never far from my thoughts. I read a devotion from Anne Graham Lotz today and want to share it. And when you get to the bottom, I don’t think you are wasting your sorrow, I think you are growing in leaps and bounds in Christ!! Wish I could sit down and have coffee with you and share our hearts and our tears together! Love you my dear!!!

    Suffering Is Not Wasted October, 28 Why?
    Our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
    2 Corinthians 4:17, NIV
    Is the Potter molding — or remolding — you, using . . . pressure or problems? stress or suffering? hurt or heartache? illness or injustice? Has He now placed you in the fire so that circumstances are heating up with intensity in your life? Then would you just trust the Potter to know exactly what He is doing?

    For the child of God, suffering is not wasted. It’s not an end in itself. Scripture reminds us, “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.”

    The spiritual principle is that in some way God uses suffering to transform ordinary, dust-clay people into . . .
    vessels that are strong in faith . . .
    vessels that are fit for His use . . .
    vessels that display His glory to the watching world.
    So don’t waste your sorrow. Trust God!

  3. I am a friend of Betsy Lassiter. I lost my 12 year old son, Andrew, to brain cancer nearly 4 years ago. He passed to Heaven December 15, 2009 – less than 4 months from the initial diagnosis of stage 4 brain cancer.
    I lied Sunday. A woman at church asked, “How are you?” She is a woman who never seems satisfied with my response as if she needs to double check me by peering into my soul. In the past when I’ve responded with, “okay” or “fine,” she looks concerned and asks, “ARE you?” Then she appears to prepare to give me a lecture on positive confessions.
    So this time I faked the cheer and said, “I’m GREAT!” And she said, “Good to hear!”
    I lied. Christmas is hard. Four years does not erase the pain, the longing and the missing of my youngest child from my home. Christmas was wonderful with him. He is my baby and always the first one up. He used to stand over my bed and quietly say, “Mom, it’s Christmas. Can I get up?”

    One day I WILL be great! Sunday was not that day. One day every wrong will be righted and every crooked road made straight. But in the meantime I am “Okay” and “Fine” but I am not great.
    God is great, however and that will more than suffice.

    • Alisa says:

      Oh Melanie, My heart breaks for you. I know your pain keenly. But your words, they mean so much to me. I wish I was better able to express, just how much. It is balm to my soul to hear from others who have walked this road of suffering with a love for their Savior.

      And I know the type of person you speak about. Glenn and I have talked often about how others pry and keep asking and pushing until “they” feel better, until they’re satisfied that we’re Okay. It’s as if we have to convince them before they’ll walk away. I know it comes from a heart of love, but it can be so tiring…so sometimes I “lie.” But it’s not a true lie…I am great in the Lord. I still believe, I still love my Savior and Heavenly Father. I will spend eternity with my God in Paradise and with Grant. So I am great. But the pain, the longing, the missing is always with me. The love I have for Christ doesn’t take that away. The pain is always behind the smile. So I just focus on Christ when I respond with, “I’m great.”

      I will be praying for you through this Holiday Season. I can promise, I will think of you everyday, and lift you up. Thanks again for writing, and reading, and walking this with me. Hugs

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