It’s a hard thing to trust someone when you do not understand what they are doing.  If you lack the comprehension, the reasons behind their actions, on what do we place the trust? When there seems to be no good reason, how do we trust the goodness of the one calling the shots? Obviously, I am speaking about God and me here, and my choosing, struggling, and wrestling with trusting Him when I just do not understand.

My view of God’s character is challenged every time I find myself slumped on the kitchen floor bawling out loud.  The reality of God’s goodness is brought into question every time I find one of my other children crying and missing their big brother so much they are unable to even express it verbally.  I am tempted to negate God’s wisdom every time I see that painful, empty, far away look in my precious husband’s eyes.

I will come to wrong conclusions about God, however, if I seek to build my trust of His goodness and wisdom, by looking only at this situation.  If I do not have an understanding of why I trust God, apart from Grant’s death, then I will need to always know exactly what God is doing in order to trust him.  It is critical that I know why I trust the Lord in situations I do not comprehend His goodness and wisdom.

Os Guinness says this, “ How may I be sure that God is there and that God is good? The only satisfactory answer to these questions is found in Jesus Christ.  Any “proof” of God’s existence or argument in favor of His goodness that ends elsewhere is bound to be inconclusive or wrong.”

The test of suffering reveals whether or not “knowing why” is a necessary part of our faith equation.  If we must know the why of a situation in order to trust God, what does that reveal about our faith? I don’t know ‘why’ Grant had to leave this Earth at such a young age, probably never will.  But I know the one who does know why, and I know why I trust Him.  And I know I cannot look to Grant’s death to determine whether or not God is trustworthy, loving, good.

My doubts about God the Father are silenced in the Lord Jesus Christ, His son. I must look to the cross to see that God is for me.  His love for me cost Him His son, when Christ gave His life in an all-sufficient atoning sacrifice at Calvary. I must look to Jesus, and what was done for me with His life, death, and resurrection to have an unshakable trust in unimaginable pain. I have trusted Him with my life, my soul, my eternity. Yes, this is where I must keep my gaze; I must know why I trust God, or it will be impossible to trust Him when I do not know why.