Another dream. I awoke and let the reality sink in one more time. It’s been over a year now, and yet, the reality still gets stuck in my chest sometimes and makes it hard to breathe. I could hear my breathing as my eyes adjusted to the morning light, “He’s not alive, Alisa, it was just a dream.”
As with most dreams, I don’t know where we were, but I hadn’t seen Grant in awhile. As we walked towards each other his face lit up, he reached for me and pulled me in. His arms were wrapped tightly around me, my head on his chest. As he held me I was thinking, “Wow, this is so unlike Grant.”
You see, we used to call Grant the awkward hugger. None of us doubted his love, and he conveyed it in so many ways, but physical affection was not his thing. He hugged me, because I loved to hug. But you could always tell it was something he did for others, and it always made him feel awkward. It was endearing and still makes us smile.
But in my dream he was hugging unabashedly, no awkwardness, no anxiousness for it to be over. He was hugging me, tightly, longingly, and relishing the embrace of his momma. And I was thinking, even in the dream, “What’s gotten into Grant? This is so unlike him.”
I was even thinking the same thing as I was awakening from the dream, reminding myself it was just a dream. Grant was gone, and he didn’t hug like that, so what did the dream mean? Did it mean anything or just a mother’s wishful thinking?
And then as the sun rose up over the horizon it hit me. In my dream Grant wasn’t alive. He was in Heaven. The awkwardness was gone because he was hugging me in his glorified body. No more awkwardness, no more being uncomfortable with the physical affection. In Heaven, Grant has been perfected in Christ. All the weaknesses we carry with us here on earth are gone in Heaven.
I realized I was hugging Grant as he is in Heaven. And it was a perfect hug, without reservation, or awkwardness. I also realized as I lay there in bed, Grant doesn’t want to come back. He wouldn’t leave Heaven even if he could. He would not leave the glory of Heaven and choose to come back to this fallen world, to the brokenness here, the sorrow, the pain, the awkward hugs. He has been perfected in Christ, He walks with Christ and His Heavenly Father. He walks in glory, in perfect peace, and in perfect unending joy.
That dream was a vision of things to come. Grant and I will have that hug one day. When we are reunited in Heaven, he will be there to greet me. As we walk towards each other his face will light up, he will reach for me and pull me in. His arms will wrap tightly around me, my head will rest on his chest, and it will be the perfect hug between mother and son.