Earlier this month, as I stood taking in the grandeur of the Colorado Rockies, my mind was flooded with thoughts of our recent loss. Lord, I was supposed to go first, before Grant. I was supposed to show him around, when he got to Heaven. I was supposed to be waiting for him, not the other way around! He was supposed to have to learn to live without me, without his father, to “carry on” as they say…not vice-versa.
It made me think of this little mantra that I have said to my kiddos for years, whenever I would leave the house without them. They have probably heard it hundreds of times. As I readied myself to go somewhere without them, I would say while making the rounds with good bye kisses, “God willing, I will be home in an hour…if He’s not willing, see you on the other side suckers!” Giggling, I would walk out the door as all eyes rolled, heads shook, and lips pursed in that “oh brother, mother” half smile.
As I stood there in the Rockies, with all of these things swirling around in my head, it was almost as if Grant broke into my thoughts. I could almost hear him say it. I could even picture his funny triumphant smile, and a victory glint in his eye, as he said, “Who’s the sucker now, mom?!” It made me roll my eyes and shake my head. It made me laugh.
Lord, thank you for the countless times Grant made me laugh. Even now, the thought of him, always ready with his one liners, makes me laugh. “I am the sucker, son…and it made me laugh today. I love you, Grant. More than words can express.” Lord, thank you for the laughs here…and the laughs to come everlasting. Grant’s best one liners are yet to come and I cannot wait! The thought of it gives me a smile today and makes me giggle.
grieving with hope 
Lis- I am following you on this blog. So glad you have gotten to the point where you can have a lighter moment. I think about you every day. I know it’s hard for you to talk much yet but you will get stronger. I love you. Joyce
Love you too, Joyce. I will call you later today. Hugs
Glad you are smiling Cuz I’m praying for you daily.
Love you too. Thanks for praying for me. It means more than you know. Hugs.
Alisa, you came to mind this morning in my quiet time with our Father as He led me to read Psalm84…from verse 4. “Blessed is the man whose strength is in You, whose heart is set on pilgrimage. as they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a spring, the rain covers it with pools, they go from strength to strength…”. You are certainly on a forced pilgrimage with your heart set on trusting Him to lead you. As I read more about the Valley of Baca…a place of weeping… I could see you traveling this desolate and weary road. May our gentle Lord turn your tears into a well of spring water when your strength begins to fail. He will carry you and sustain you and guide you to the other side of the Valley of Baca. He is faithful!
Thank you for this. It means so very much to all of us ❤
So glad you smiled today, Alisa.