15 months

I am choosing joy today, Grant.  Not because I want to. I don’t want to be joyful. What I want to do is sit in the corner and cry.  I want to wallow in self-pity. It’s been 15 months and I still cannot think of you without catching my breath and the sting of tears.  What I want to do is scream and demand answers from God.  But instead, I am choosing joy, today, the 15 month anniversary of your death. I will choose joy!

I choose joy because it brings the greatest honor I know how to give, to your memory.  The way we choose to live life in the wake of your death, will become part of your legacy.  I choose joy, because I care about your legacy and the story it tells to a watching world.  Yes, I will choose joy.

I choose joy today, because I know that is what you would want me to do.  You do not want me crying and missing you.  You understand it, surely, but it is not what you would choose for me. You know, more than anyone here, that choosing joy is the greatest evidence I have that you are better off, in a better place.  Therefore, I choose joy.

I choose joy, because it is a way to live what I say I believe. I truly do believe you are where you want to be.  I believe you would not come back if you could.  I believe if we all knew what you know now, we would live everyday with joy and anticipation of the things to come! I will think on these things today, and choose joy.

Yes, I have no doubt you would want me to choose joy today, and everyday.  So I will choose joy, and get out of bed today.  I will choose joy and smile at the stranger.  I will choose joy and do the work the Lord has put before me today. I will choose joy and love on your dad and siblings with all of my might.  I will dry my eyes, lift my hands to God for the strength to do it, and choose joy!

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