Monthly Archives: June 2013

Father’s Day, another first. Another day that reminded us of what was, and will never be again. 3 to honor their father instead of 4. Living around the gap, the new normal. There was no phone call from LA. No … Continue reading →

It’s a weird thing these days when people ask me, “How are you?” I never know quite how to answer. This day, 2 months ago, would have seemed crushing, unbearable. But from this vantage point, it’s a bearable day. It’s … Continue reading →

1 Thessalonians 4:13 But we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, about those who have died, so that you may not grieve like other people who have no hope. I got dressed today. Put my hair in a … Continue reading →

Today, Grant, was supposed to turn 25. But instead, his ashes arrived today. I fall to my knees. I am undone. Breathe,  Alisa, breathe. The body that grew inside me, the body I bore, fed, cared for, now ashes. Breathe. … Continue reading →

Regrets. They are so painful. Oh, the things I wish I could go back and do differently. They sometimes haunt me in the middle of the night, when sleep won’t come. I lay there in the dark recalling the harsh … Continue reading →

Was I worshipping a God of my own creation? An Almighty Disneyland dad, who spoiled me rotten with all good gifts, and no discipline or correction? Or perhaps a God that resembles a Genie in a bottle, giving me everything … Continue reading →

We recently sang this in church…the words seemed hollow…vinegar to the tongue. “All you have shown me is grace, love, and kindness” the words got stuck in my throat as I tried to sing them. It felt like I was … Continue reading →

Psalm 23:4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Walk. That is very telling as a move … Continue reading →

He will never have a prestigious career. He will never fulfill his vision to improve city structure for 3rd world countries. He will never fall in love nor explore any more far away places. He will never get married nor … Continue reading →