Monthly Archives: June 2013

moving

I hate going out in public these days. Even just getting in the car to start the errand process, can bring on heaviness, profound sadness. There’s literally a physical reaction and it feels as if someone is standing on my … Continue reading

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sucker

Earlier this month, as I stood taking in the grandeur of the Colorado Rockies, my mind was flooded with thoughts of our recent loss. Lord, I was supposed to go first, before Grant. I was supposed to show him around, … Continue reading

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gaze and stand in the shadow

Sometimes I feel like I am getting worse, not better. It’s scary. Today I am a little more sad, and a little more angry with God. I find myself questioning him again and at times and some days it seems … Continue reading

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another first

Father’s Day, another first. Another day that reminded us of what was, and will never be again. 3 to honor their father instead of 4. Living around the gap, the new normal. There was no phone call from LA. No … Continue reading

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how are you

It’s a weird thing these days when people ask me, “How are you?” I never know quite how to answer. This day, 2 months ago, would have seemed crushing, unbearable. But from this vantage point, it’s a bearable day. It’s … Continue reading

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like i believe it

1 Thessalonians 4:13 But we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, about those who have died, so that you may not grieve like other people who have no hope. I got dressed today. Put my hair in a … Continue reading

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ashes

Today, Grant, was supposed to turn 25. But instead, his ashes arrived today. I fall to my knees. I am undone. Breathe,  Alisa, breathe. The body that grew inside me, the body I bore, fed, cared for, now ashes. Breathe. … Continue reading

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