Author Archives: Alisa

Fear. It’s something that I am tempted with since Grant’s death. In the quiet of the night, my mind is sometimes filled with things that could happen to my loved ones as they move through their days. In the dark, … Continue reading →

“Did you have fun, Mom?” Our 16 year old asked, after a visit with family friends. I immediately responded, “Fun? No, not fun….don’t think I would describe it as fun.” But as I laid in bed that night and thought … Continue reading →

Time. It’s taken on new meaning. Fresh meaning. I am more aware of it than ever before. It’s so hard to put into words, something you’ve never experienced before. It’s bizarre living with the knowledge of Grant’s passing and missing … Continue reading →

This song, by Mercy Me, has been such a means of grace and comfort to me, that I just had to share it.  I have lost count of how many times I have listened to it, crying and praying.  If … Continue reading →

Cleaning the bathroom, I find his razor and plummet downward into darkness. Moments later I recall the first time he shaved and a smile breaks into the darkness and brings with it a ray of light. My spirit lifts. A … Continue reading →

I hate going out in public these days. Even just getting in the car to start the errand process, can bring on heaviness, profound sadness. There’s literally a physical reaction and it feels as if someone is standing on my … Continue reading →

Earlier this month, as I stood taking in the grandeur of the Colorado Rockies, my mind was flooded with thoughts of our recent loss. Lord, I was supposed to go first, before Grant. I was supposed to show him around, … Continue reading →

Sometimes I feel like I am getting worse, not better. It’s scary. Today I am a little more sad, and a little more angry with God. I find myself questioning him again and at times and some days it seems … Continue reading →

Father’s Day, another first. Another day that reminded us of what was, and will never be again. 3 to honor their father instead of 4. Living around the gap, the new normal. There was no phone call from LA. No … Continue reading →

It’s a weird thing these days when people ask me, “How are you?” I never know quite how to answer. This day, 2 months ago, would have seemed crushing, unbearable. But from this vantage point, it’s a bearable day. It’s … Continue reading →